


Apologies

by desole (tearyxz)



Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Golden Trio, M/M, OT7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5932177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearyxz/pseuds/desole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A door is slammed and everyone winces. That is, everyone except Jiwon, because Jiwon never backs down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apologies

 

A/N: This fic is 100% self-indulgent. It was supposed to be golden trio, but then somehow turned into mess of OT7 and I don't even know how ;A;  
  
  
  
~~

“Fine.”

A door is slammed and everyone winces. That is, everyone except Jiwon, because Jiwon never backs down. Jiwon concedes, compromises, admits wrongdoing when it’s true without batting an eyelash, because Jiwon is a man whose pride is founded on doing the right thing.

But Jiwon _never_ backs down.

Even now he’s wearing a look of grim determination and simmering anger, hurt only barely visible in the depths of his eyes.

“Give him some time to calm down.”

Jinhwan is already pulling Jiwon back before he can take a single step forward, grip firm on his sleeve. He shoots a look at Yunhyeong, who nods in understanding before grabbing a sweatshirt.

“Come on, guys, let’s go get some ice cream.”

And just like that, the maknaes are ushered out of the dorm. Well, Junhoe’s muttering under his breath and Donghyuk’s face is pinched with guilt and worry and Chanwoo, the poor kid, just looks so utterly lost, but they still slip on their shoes without too much fuss, grabbing extra articles of clothing as they prepare to head out. Jinhwan throws Yunhyeong one last grateful look, which the younger waves off with a gentle smile before pulling the door shut behind them. Jinhwan doesn’t know what they’d do without Yunhyeong sometimes, ever so gentle and perceptive. Jinhwan prides himself in being the observant one who works out any kinks in their machine-like system of teamwork, but Yunhyeong just has a way with reading both people and the atmosphere. He knows exactly what to say, to whom, how to say it, and when absolutely nothing should be done at all. Jinhwan’s a worrier and Yunhyeong shares the same concerns, but carries the burdens more easily with his optimistic attitude. Where Jinhwan would rather cuddle up somewhere cozy and watch a movie or listen to music while falling asleep after a long day, Yunhyeong somehow manages to match the energy of the dongsaengs, happily fooling around till much too late (or too early, really).

Yunhyeong acts as the bridge between the hyungs and maknaes, and whatever concern or discontent, Jinhwan’s sure it’ll all be soothed away by the time they return. Somewhat as a second thought, Jinhwan resolves to pay him back for the ice cream he’s undoubtedly going to buy for the maknae-line, but he already knows Yunhyeong won’t end up accepting the money anyways.

“Why do we always have to leave, and don’t say it’s to give Hanbin-hyung space– that’s just bullshit and we all know it. Jiwon and Jinan-hyung are just gonna go talk to him now anyways.”

Somehow Junhoe’s grumbling manages to make it through the door and Jinhwan almost winces again. Okay, perhaps a talk is in order with _everyone_ after this is over with. But for now, Yunhyeong’s soothing voice and the furthering footsteps towards fresh air will have to suffice. Besides, Junhoe doesn’t really mean it.

So, back to the matter at hand. Jiwon’s already tugged his sleeve free of Jinhwan’s grip, and was now staring at him impatiently.

“Let’s go,” Jinhwan says resignedly and Jiwon practically jumps forward at the words, reaching the door to the bedroom in two large strides. He opens it with surprising gentleness however, swinging it open carefully as they step into the room.

Hanbin’s sitting on the edge of the bottom bunk, his head in his hands and doesn’t show any reaction at the sound of his intruders.

He was expecting them, after all.

Hanbin’s also past the point of telling them to leave him alone, because he knows they won’t. He knows only too well, through lovely first-hand experience. Oh, the perks of living with your best friends for three years and counting.

The thing about Hanbin is that even though he’s still technically a kid, a kid under a lot of stress and pressures and expectations and even hate, he still always manages to rise above it all. He messes up, he blunders, blunders really bad, sometimes, but in the end he always comes out mostly intact. He’s almost broken before, a couple of times so dangerously close to the edge, but he’s never quite crossed that threshold. If they left him alone he would calm down eventually, would feel guilty eventually, and would resolve the problem himself eventually. If Hanbin’s anything he’s responsible, and as a leader he doesn’t just have to clean up after others’ messes, he must know how to deal with his own.

But left alone Hanbin tends to think too much, brood too deep. He loses himself a little more every time he finds himself tangled in a web of insecurities and guilt, struggling to breathe under the hot pressure of unfairness. As a leader it’s his job is to carry all the burdens, to endure and to keep enduring. So Hanbin swallows it all down, letting it fester because it’s the only way to survive.

And that is what Jinhwan and Jiwon are here to prevent.

“Yah, what you said was really out of line, you know? It was an accident.”

Jinhwan cringes inwardly at the harshness and accusing tone of Jiwon’s words but doesn’t interject, even as Hanbin stiffens. It was meant to provocative, after all, the prompting Hanbin needed to vent his resentment.

“I know it was an accident! But it doesn’t change what happened!” Hanbin’s head has snapped up, eyes narrowed in icy rage. “I _told_ them to knock it off- told _you guys_! I’m not just angry the song got deleted, that’s happened before, but this was completely preventable! Do you know how many hours, how many _days_ I’ve spent on that? And now what? Gone. All gone, down the drain, and guess what? _That’s going to be our debut if this team doesn’t get their act together._ ” The last sentence is hissed with a vengeance so close to hatred that Jinhwan shivers, but he doesn’t even have time to truly feel hurt before Jiwon is striking back.

“You think we don’t know that? You’re not the only one who’s put in hours on that track! We all have! We–”

“And yet you’re still willing to jeopardize everything we’ve sacrificed so far,” Hanbin cuts in coldly, lip curled in a mocking snarl while Jiwon grits his teeth at being interrupted.

“No! But right now it seems like you are, with the way you’re acting! We’ve said this again and again, you’re our leader! You can scold us for making mistakes but if you lead us towards chaos, you know we’ll follow!”

Hanbin’s eyes flash.

“Are you saying this is my fault?” he laughs, but it’s more a bark of angry disbelief than something containing any sort of mirth. “You give me too much credit, Jiwon-hyung,” Hanbin leans forward, and the honorifics almost sound like a curse. “Where were these _avid_ followers of mine when I told them to _stop fooling around before they break something?_ ”

Jiwon lets out a dry laugh eerily similar to Hanbin’s earlier. “Once again, it was an _accident_! You can get mad, but how could you say that to Donghyuk? You know the kid’s insecure enough already, has enough people trying to tear him down, and what do you do? Add fuel to flames, and you call yourself leader?”

At the mention of Donghyuk’s name Hanbin wavers a little, a flash of uncertainty finally replacing some of the hot anger and Jinhwan knows it’s time for him to step in.

“We’re sorry, Hanbin-ah. You do have a right to be angry. We’ve been with you when you’ve been working, we might not know everything but we understand, we really do. We might not know at what time exactly you get home, how frustrated you are trying to get that one chord progression right in the middle of the night and all of us are home asleep already,” Jinhwan’s voice starts to shake a little here, the emotion and guilt getting the best of him but he’s not gonna cry, not this time and not for this. He swallows. “But we understand, Hanbin-ah, we really do. And we’re sorry. Donghyuk’s probably not going to be able to look you in the eyes for days now, and even though Junhoe acts like he doesn’t care you know he does, just as much as the rest of us. But,” the tremor in Jinhwan’s voice forces him to pause again, to regain control and Hanbin swallows too, expression softening almost involuntarily, “when you say things like that you hurt the kids so much. They all respect you the most, despite how they act sometimes, you know that. They can’t, they can’t bear hearing things like that come from you.”

What goes unsaid is that it’s not just about the “kids.” Every word Hanbin says, every action, probably hits Jiwon and Jinhwan ten times harder, hurts them both ten times more.

The words might’ve gone unspoken, but Hanbin hears them anyways.

With that Hanbin drops his head back into his hands again, the anger evaporating from him within moments as he sighs, a breathy, exhausted sound that shouldn’t be coming from a kid Hanbin’s age and Jinhwan’s heart breaks a little.

“I’m sorry too,” Jiwon is next to speak up, voice slightly gruff, the way it always is when he apologizes. “You’re right, we should’ve been more careful. But Hanbin-ah, trust me, we all feel terrible even without you saying anything, okay? What’s happened has happened, and I know we can’t just fix things but we’ll do our best, because that’s all we can do and all we’ve ever done, right? We’re sorry, Hanbin-ah, but we need you too.”

And now there’s just silence, the only audible sound their inhales and exhales as they wait for Hanbin to gather himself, to come to the conclusion they all knew they’d reach in the end.

It could’ve been 30 seconds, it could’ve been 5 minutes, but it didn’t matter once those words were uttered.

“I’m sorry too.”

The last syllable is barely uttered before a flying Jiwon is tackling Hanbin onto the bed, landing with an “oomph” and Jinhwan winces at the impact. But then they’re laughing, Jiwon loudly and gleefully and only slightly forced and Jinhwan in relief and Hanbin in embarrassment. It’s a bit awkward, and god is any awkwardness between the three of them practically blasphemous but the worst is over, apologies not quite all said and done yet but it’ll all be easier now.

Jinhwan pads over to the bed, piling on top his two dongsaengs with a fond ruffling of their hair.

Hanbin has on one of _those_ smiles, the awkward one when he’s not quite sure what to do. There’s embarrassment, a hint of reluctance, but most importantly uncertainty, and insecurity that’s so unfamiliar Jinhwan wishes he could just wipe it away.

He looks like a child again, which isn’t a bad thing, but Jinhwan can’t stand seeing Hanbin doubt himself any more than he already does.

So Jinhwan presses closer, smiling reassuringly at Hanbin as he reaches an arm around Jiwon’s squirming body to grasp his hand. He squeezes, leaning down to nuzzle against Hanbin’s shoulder, feeling a hand come up to cup the back of his neck.

“It’ll be okay,” he whispers against Hanbin’s neck, warm breath puffing against the pale skin and Hanbin finally relaxes, becoming pliant and Jiwon finally stops his flailing to settle down on the left side of him. Jinhwan shifts over to Hanbin’s right and they just lay there, limbs tangled and breathing synchronized. The warmth is comforting, a silent promise of support and understanding.

They don’t know how long they lay there. In fact, Jiwon’s a bit _too_ comfortable, snuggled up in the crook of Hanbin’s arm and about to fall asleep. It’s only when Hanbin utters a quiet “thank you” that he stirs, and Jinhwan reluctantly moves to sit up.

“Yah, where are you going?”  
Jinhwan lets out a yelp as he’s tugged backwards by two pairs of arms, falling back into them as he’s clung to. Now he’s in the middle, held fast by arms around his waist and shoulder.

“I need to text them so they know to come back!” Jinhwan protests indignantly, but he can’t quite stop the content smile from forming on his face. “Yah, let go of me, seriously, it’s 11:30pm!”

“I haven’t had enough cuddles though,” Jiwon pouts, tossing a leg over the both of them for good measure. “And hyung, you’re like the cuddliest, squishiest one of us all, you can’t leave!”

Jinhwan tries to splutter out a protest but Hanbin just laughs, and Jinhwan is momentarily stunned because he’s almost forgotten how long it’s been since they’ve last heard that sound. And so he ceases his struggles, because it’s not like he could ever win against the both of them anyways.

But thirty seconds later, Jinhwan’s restless again with worry.

“Guys, I really need to get up. I need to text the guys.”

“No.”

Jinhwan sighs, fondly exasperated. “I’m sure Yunhyeong’s handling the situation but you know how worried he gets too, especially about you Hanbin-ah.”

With these words they both still. Jiwon sighs, acknowledging the truth in an unwilling exhale. When Jinhwan gently nudges the stomach behind him with an elbow the arms around his shoulder relax begin to relax. Jinhwan starts to get up, but then the arms around his waist too disappear entirely as he’s shoved backwards into a solid chest again with an oomph.

“I’ll go text them,” it’s Jiwon who speaks, and Jinhwan cranes his neck to catch him throwing a meaningful look at Hanbin before disappearing from the room. Hanbin’s arms retighten around Jinhwan’s frame, chin settling on top of his head as he pulls him closer.

“Yes?” Jinhwan asks, because he already knows Hanbin has something he wants to say. He contemplates struggling, because Hanbin alone is a lot easier to escape from than Jiwon-and-Hanbin, but decides against it when Hanbin decisively hooks an ankle over his calves.

Yeah, he’s not going anywhere.

So Jinhwan allows himself to relax, settling back into Hanbin’s warmth. It’s comforting to be held like this, and to know Hanbin needs him, needs all of them, really, as much as Jinhwan needs Hanbin, needs all of them.

“It’s not your fault either.”

The words are muffled, and to be honest when Hanbin talks his chin digs into the top of Jinhwan’s head in a way that’s almost painful, but it’s all irrelevant when Hanbin pulls him even closer.

“I know,” Jinhwan’s words are whispered, and he doesn’t really believe it and Hanbin knows it but neither of them say anything more. They all have their own vices, and they can only take things one step at a time.

The bedroom door swings open and Jiwon is back, falling on top of both of them as he clings to them with both his arms and legs. Jinhwan’s being crushed and Hanbin whines when Jiwon elbows him in the back, but Jiwon only laughs, more carefree than before but relief still audible. None of their tenseness will be fully dissipated until tomorrow, because it’s just that unsettling every time they have an argument, no matter how quickly they resolve it.

“They’ll be back soon,” Jiwon tells them as he noses Hanbin’s neck, rubbing his cheek against his ear insistently until Hanbin finally turns around, unhooking his leg from around Jinhwan and offers an arm to Jiwon. And that’s how they curl up, Hanbin squished in the middle and Jinhwan and Jiwon’s hands intertwined over his hip.

“Yah, Hanbin-ah, you know I didn’t mean, that, right?” Jiwon breaks the silence hesitantly, voice scratchy and low. “You’re still the best leader, you know? No one else could do a better job. You really, reallyyyyy, know that right?” A bit Jiwon’s special aegyo is inserted at the end just for their benefit, and the corner of Jinhwan’s lips twitch upward.

Hanbin, on the other hand, doesn’t say anything. He just cranes his neck to look at Jiwon, who begins to squirm again.

“Yahhh, I really mean this, okay? Don’t look at me like that! I feel bad, okay?”

Hanbin can’t hold his expression any longer, finally breaking out into a bashful grin and Jiwon pouts, swatting at Hanbin’s head petulantly while Jinhwan just laughs, snuggling in closer to Hanbin’s shoulder.

“Yah, settle down,” Jinhwan tugs on Jiwon’s hand when he almost jabs Hanbin in the eye. They both flash him contented grins, burrowing in closer together as they wait for their members to return; warm, comfortable, and safe.

Well, they’re comfortable for a good five minutes at least, because by then their door is once again being swung open. Except this time, it's by an irritated Junhoe and amused Yunhyeong. Chanwoo follows closely behind, and Donghyuk brings up the rear. Which is unusual, because he’s usually bounding ahead of the others, all excited chatter and sweet eye smiles.

“Yah, I have to pay for all the ice cream and this is what I come back to?” Yunhyeong complains good-naturedly as he plops down on the edge of the mattress. “Why weren’t we invited to the cuddle fest?”

“You’re invited now?” Jinhwan tries as he tugs Hanbin and Jiwon upright to turn so that their backs lean against the wall, now sitting across the width of the bed to make room for the others. Yunhyeong grins, slinging an arm around Chanwoo’s shoulders and pulls him onto the bed beside Jiwon. “That’s rude, though, starting the party without us.”

“I’ll pay you back for the ice cream,” Jinhwan says instead, holding true to the promise he made himself earlier. But of course, Yunhyeong is already starting to shake his head.

Jinhwan’s ready to argue him back down, but it’s Hanbin who cuts in.

“No, I’ll pay for the ice cream,” he says, eyes locking with Yunhyeong for only the briefest moments, but that’s all it takes for the nonverbal apology to be transmitted.

Yunhyeong doesn’t protest any more, settling back against the wall with a contented smile.

Meanwhile, Donghyuk is still standing awkwardly at the foot of the bed, biting his lip as his eyes flit between his members on his bed.

His gaze always finds its way back to Hanbin.

“I’m sorry!” he finally blurts, and they all turn to him. Donghyuk’s eyes drop with the sudden focus of attention, but it doesn’t take him long to force his head back up, jaw set determinedly to face Hanbin. “I didn’t mean it but it was still my fault for being careless and bumping the mouse and accidently deleting the file, I know it was my fault and I–” he chokes up a bit, eyes red as he swallows and tries to continue, “I know you’re mad at me, and I’ll do whatever you want me to do to help fix it.” His voice cracks at the end but his stance is still determined, stare unwavering.

“And what if sajangnim asks what happened? If he asks why we’re suddenly a song short?” Hanbin’s question is spoken coldly but not with anger, and Donghyuk braces himself to answer.

“Then I’ll tell him it was my fault.”

His voice is shaky but there’s steel underneath it, and it’s more than enough to get his feelings across.

There’s a long pause, an intense pressure in the room that continues to mount until Hanbin is finally ready to speak.

“I’m.. sorry too, Donghyuk-ah. I… shouldn’t have said those things either…” Hanbin’s words come so slowly and quietly it almost seems reluctant, but they all know it’s just his own brand of embarrassment. And that’s all it takes, before Donghyuk is outright sobbing and tumbling onto the bed, immediately surrounded on all sides by comforting arms and soothing hands has he hiccups, the guilt and panic and sheer terror finally finding its release.

It’s probably a full minute into this therapeutic group hug that Jinhwan finally notices someone’s missing. Junhoe’s still standing, arms crossed in a defensive stance and brows furrowed. Except now, the irritation is long gone and he just looks torn, his hostile posture reflecting more vulnerability than displeasure.

Jinhwan suddenly remembers his comment from earlier, the growly complaint from outside the door when he thought Jinhwan and Jiwon wouldn’t hear, and realizes perhaps it had revealed more truth than Junhoe had intended.

Because as much as Junhoe acts as if he doesn't care, as much as he pretends he's superior, in actuality he needs a sense of belonging just as much as everyone else. He claims he doesn’t care what the others do, as long as they don’t get in his way and pull him down, but he’s still the one working so hard to please. Outwardly it seems Donghyuk would hold this position with his explosive aegyeo, or even Chanwoo in order to be accepted. But Jinhwan will never forget the Junhoe that constantly asked what he should do when he first joined YG, incessantly pressing for ways to improve. And he’s still the same Junhoe now, maybe a bit more seasoned, more matured, more hardened, yet still unable to let go of the seedling of doubt of _what if I’m not good enough_.

Jinhwan knows, too, especially how insecure Junhoe’s always felt about having a critical position in the group. Hanbin, Jiwon, and Jinhwan have always had the domineering presence, proved through both torturous survival shows. That Junhoe can handle, because Junhoe is the firmest believer in hard work and he knows he can get there with effort put in. His confidence isn’t faked, he has the greatest faith in his own abilities because he knows his own willingness to give it all. But it’s their bond, the something special the three of them have in their eyes when they look at each other that makes Junhoe feel unsettled, insecure, inferior.

And so Jinhwan’s starts to extract himself from the group to go knock some sense into their overgrown baby, but it’s difficult when he’s stuck in the middle of a bunch of bodies all bigger than his own, all too busy comforting a still-sobbing Donghyuk.

What he doesn’t expect, however, is for someone to beat him to it.

Shockingly, it’s Chanwoo, and Jinhwan finds himself in a state of disbelief at that fact as he watches their maknae, in every sense of the word, coax his predecessor into joining. Junhoe still looks uncertain, but he shuffles forward without protest when Chanwoo tugs on his wrist with a cute smile. And then Jinhwan remembers that Chanwoo was, and is still sometimes, the outsider. His survival had been based on observation and blending in, so perhaps he shouldn’t be so surprised Chanwoo had been the only other to notice, after all. And not only to notice, but to act on it. As Jinhwan watches Chanwoo's eyes soften into something almost protective, he realizes that perhaps, he hadn’t given the kid nearly enough credit before. Jinhwan's always been wary of intruders who may threaten the balance of those close to him, but Chanwoo's persistence and willingness to shape himself to please has long since begun the process of melting down Jinwhan's barriers.

When Junhoe finally leans in to their group huddle as well, Jinhwan’s finally managed to extract himself for the most part, and he’s able to reach around to grab Junhoe’s wrist.

“Yah, we’re not gonna let you be left out, you hear me? So don’t even try to exclude yourself.” There are multiple layers of meaning behind those words, and Jinhwan’s fingers press against Junhoe’s skin insistently until he finally makes eye contact so he can see the sincerity reflected in them. And then Junhoe’s flushing red, turning away to bury his head in the nearest shoulder to hide it (Chanwoo's shoulder, it turns out, and he and Jinwhan share a knowing smile), but Jinhwan’s satisfied, because his knows his message has been received.

“Hey, kids, let's sleep together tonight.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


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